Putting this here for safekeeping so I can embed it on A03 as cover art.

S1 e16 Carpet Diem

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Posted by on January 8, 2019 in Uncategorized


World’s Shortest: Vampire Diaries

STEFAN: Elena my love, I’m cured.

ELENA: *<3!* You mean you’re not a codependent whiner anymore?

STEFAN: No! I’m not a vampire any longer.

ELENA: … 😦


DAMON: Be like me.

AUDIENCE: Okay, Damon

The end

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Posted by on August 15, 2013 in Uncategorized


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The Monkees: Special

MIKE: It’s funny. You keep meeting new people, and they’re all different. All around the world, no one is the same. Everyone on the planet Earth is unique. No two are alike.

DAVY: Noo-neek.

MICKY: I’m an incendiary snowflake.

MIKE: (chuckles) Incendiary?

MICKY: What did I mean?

DAVY: Unique! You meant special. Or individual.

MICKY: Individual.

MIKE: I’m talking about special. About being special. Everyone is special. Davy here is special because he’s very short and I’m special because I’m very tall.

DAVY: And the hat.

MIKE: And the hat. Well, no, the hat doesn’t make me special, I’m special on my own– but the hat increases– enhances my tallness.

DAVY: Your height.

MIKE: Right.

MICKY: Why am I special, huh?

MIKE: I don’t need to define your specialness for you, because it’s inside your person, it’s part of who you are…

MICKY: I’m a snowflake and I’m melting!

MIKE: You’re some kind of flake, Micky, I’ll grant you that.

MICKY: My mother loves me.

MIKE: My mother loves you, too. I’ve never been able to figure that out.

DAVY and PETER: (singing) I wanna sing you a love song… I wanna rock you in my arms, all night long…

MIKE: Where did that come from?

DAVY: Loggins and Messina.

MIKE: Yeah, we know, but–

MICKY: There’s a wren in a willow wood
Flies so high and sings so good
And he brings to you
What he sings to you.

Like my brother the wren and I
Well, he told me if I try, I could fly for you
And I wanna try for you. ’cause–


MIKE: Wait wait hold it hold it let me start. (Speaks)
There’s a wren in a willow wood
Flies so high and sings so good
And he brings to you
What he sings to you.

MICKY: Summer thunder on moon-bright days
Northern Lights and skies ablaze
And I bring to you,
Lover, when I sing to you.

Silver wings in a fiery sky
Show the trail of my love and I
Sing to you,
Love is what I bring to you.

And I wanna sing to you, oh.

ALL: I wanna sing you a love song
I wanna rock you in my arms all night long
I wanna get to know you
I wanna show you the peaceful feelin’ of my home.

MIKE: That was very nice. But to get back to my point, it was–

PETER: Special.

MIKE: Uniqueness. Micky, you’re special, I do have a reason– you’re special because you are a lead singer who is also the drummer.

(Micky bows)

PETER: Why am I special?

DAVY: (Goes to nudge Peter with his hand, finds his hand full of maracas. Nudges Pete with his elbow) Special with quotation marks.

MIKE: With quotation marks. Pete, you’re special, let’s just leave it at that.

(Davy one-arm hugs Peter. Peter beams)

MICKY: Froggy went a’ courtin’ and he did ride, ah-huh.
Froggy went a’ courtin’ and he did ride

DAVY: Sword and pistol by his side

MICKY: Well he rode down to Miss Mousie’s door
Where he had often been before
He took Miss Mousie on his knee
Said Miss Mousie will you marry me

Pete’s special because without him we would be a trio.

DAVY: Isn’t that true of all of us, Micky?

MICKY: Are you sure the math works out the same? I mean, Peter’s taller than you are.

PETER: Davy counts as two because he plays six instruments.

DAVY: Seven instruments.

PETER: I rounded down.

MICKY: So three and a half instruments equals one guy?

DAVY: Yeh.

MICKY: But then some of us are not complete men! Oh no! Oh wait. I’m fine. How much is Mike’s hat worth?

MIKE: My hat is priceless.

DAVY: My height is emphasized because you all are freakishly tall.

MICKY: On full moon nights I turn seven inches taller and bite people.

DAVY: Well, if it’s catching then you’ve obviously never bitten me.

(Micky takes a breath to say something, snickers, laughs. Davy chuckles in response.)

PETER: I thought we all played at least three and a half instruments.

MICKY: I’ll share my expertise so it all works out.

DAVY: Thanks for that, Micky.

MIKE: But my point was.

DAVY: Specialness.

PETER and MICKY: Special!

MIKE: I forgot what I was going to say. It was just a discussion topic, I guess. I had some special point in mind, I was going to share it with you. You all make me think of these deep important things and then start singing Loggins and Messina. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you.

DAVY: You’re special Mike.

PETER: Yeah, you’re special. Even if you don’t have a reason for me. (Leans on Mike’s shoulder, smiling)

MIKE: You’re special because you’re Peter. There doesn’t have to be any other reason. It’s not possible for there to be another one of you.

PETER: Not even if I meet my scientific doppelganger?

MIKE: What, like last week? Not even then. We want you, not your sconeriffic doptelganger.

DAVY: We love you, Mike.

MICKY: Yeah, Mike’s special. We love you, Buddy.

(Micky and Davy gather close around Mike with Pete)

MIKE: I wasn’t looking for this when I started. But it’s good.

MICKY: Am I loved as well? Because I’m hungry and somebody could buy me lunch.

MIKE: I could buy you lunch with the three dollars I owe you.

MICKY: You got a deal.

MIKE: Hey Davy, can I borrow three dollars?


Posted by on July 2, 2012 in Uncategorized


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